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How your social media posts are destroying your testimony....

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Imagine walking into a church service on Sunday and the greeter comes up to you and calls you a snowflake. As you are directed to your seat, the person next to you calls you an idiot. As service begins, the person making the announcements tells you that you don't belong in this country. And when the praise leader gets the microphone they shout at you and call you a sexist. The musicians on cue then call you a racist. And when the pastor takes the pulpit, he calls you a criminal. When the service is over the college and career pastor comes up to introduce himself and tells you that you are the cause of all of the problems in the country.  Would you go back to that church?

That scenario may seem a little extreme and unrealistic. You may have even laughed as you read it. I have never heard of a praise singer getting the microphone and before singing say "Anyone who is not in this country legally is not welcome in this church." I have never heard of an usher before collecti…

The things this red suitcase has witnessed...

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We are going to Houston tomorrow just for the evening. And as I packed I realized the same suitcase I've used for our "learning to live again" vacation trips this summer is the same suitcase my husband used when he was hospitalized getting cancer treatment. There's one picture in particular I have that shows him pulling his suitcase after what we thought was his 8th and final cycle of chemo. There was so much optimism when we took that picture because his oncologists were confident that he would stay in remission.




And yet he didn't stay in remission. Just a few months after this picture was taken, the cancer returned.  And in 2016 we used the suitcase so many other times with so many more hospitalizations. By the end of 2016, my husband would be hospitalized seven more times. Most of the stays were two weeks. One stay was six weeks. And with each hospital stay the bad news we received got worse and worse. This red suitcase has seen a lot over the l…

When you feel as though you will be single forever.....

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To the person who feels as though you will be single forever,

You won't...

The end 😀

That's the short version of the blog. Now here's the long version....

I originally planned on re-sharing an article,  What every person should read before they get married I wrote last year. But as I read through the article, I began to think about those who have convinced themselves that they will never get married. Maybe you have a past. It can be that you feel as though you have blown out too many candles on your birthday cake and are past the age of marriage. You may have so many insecurities and think that no one would be attracted to you based on these. You have convinced yourself that your status and life title eliminates you from marriage. It can also be that you think your situation is too difficult.

I imagine you scrolling through social media  and comparing your life to the perfection presented on social media. You see the relationship posts others share. And while you like th…

Learning to live again...

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A person in their thirties shouldn't need to learn to live again but that is exactly the position I find myself in. Death is brutal. I know we have hope in heaven. I know my husband is no longer in pain. I know that this earth is not our home. I know all of that. But when someone so intimately close to you dies, it is the most painful-heartbreaking-life-changing-intensely-brutal-thing. I am very transparent with the pain because I think a lot of times, especially in church, we put on this mask and this facade. We say all of the right words. We proclaim all of the right things. But inside of us, we are dealing with battles we don't want anyone to know about. The right things to say about death are "I know he is in a better place." "God is seeing me through."I trust in God no matter what happens." And while all of those are absolutely true, the truth is one and a half years past my husband's death and there are still days where the pain is still fre…

Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?

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Monday night my six year old daughter came running to my bedroom with tears streaming down her eyes. She was crying so hard I could barely decipher the words coming out of her mouth. "Mommy, I miss daddy.... Life isn't the same without him.... Why did he have to die???? Why didn't God heal daddy????I wish God would let him come back."

Why can't the difficult questions my children ask be "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Why, at seven and six do they have to ask "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?"  Most six year olds are playing with toys, learning to read and watching their favorite television shows. For the most part, so is my daughter but then there are nights like Monday where the tears stream down her face for an hour. Or there are days where I find her in her bedroom, holding a picture of her dad to her chest silently crying and when she sees me asks, "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?" 





My children ask me question…

Mommy, do you want to get re-married?

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My children ask me some tough questions and while I love that they feel comfortable asking me anything and am thankful that they aren't afraid to come to me with whatever thoughts and questions are on their mind, there are times when they ask me a question and I am lost trying to come up with an answer. Hannah often asks me when I am going to get re-married because she wants a dad. Malachi will usually reply that he is happy with us being a family of three. Those conversations I can handle. I can come up with some sort of reply to satisfy those questions and comments. But the other night my son asked me a question that I found pretty difficult to answer.

He asked,"Mommy, do you want to get re-married?" It shouldn't be so difficult of a question to answer. It is either yes, I want to get re-married or no I do not. However, it was difficult. It was complicated. It was confusing. I came up with an age-appropriate answer to the question but after my children fell asleep…

A Fatherless Father's Day.....

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My children no longer have a living father, but we will still celebrate Father's Day. I will be the first to admit that Father's Day is the hardest holiday for me. I can do well on Christmas, Thanksgiving and even my husband's birthday and the day he died (Valentine's Day) but Father's Day... that's a tough holiday.

It's the day everyone is celebrating dad's and how do you celebrate Father's Day when the person you are celebrating is in heaven? It's a whole day reminding me that an amazing father is no longer living. Sunday sermons are dedicated to the role of fathers. Social media posts are full of people celebrating their dad. Restaurants are packed as families go out to eat. For those who have lost a father, or in my case my husband who was an amazing father, Father's Day is particularly difficult. While I could spend the day laying in bed avoiding the day, that is not a good message to send to my children.


My children lost their…