My name is Kimberli and my husband, Melchor, was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2014. The blog began as I chronicled his journey with cancer. He never stopped praising God in the midst of all he was going through. He passed away on February 14, 2017 and is now rejoicing in heaven. This blog now chronicles a stage of life I didn't think I would enter until I was in my 80s or 90s, that of widowhood.
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When we are still
Yesterday the ride to church was typical. Not even down
the street from the house and the cute adorable voices repeatedly called “mommy.”
“mommy, what sound do dogs make?”
“mommy, is the sun sleeping?”
“mommy, why are those trees green?”
“mommy, can I have water?”
“mommy, did you bring my toys?”
(Constantly saying "Mommy"
Well those weren’t exactly the questions that were asked
by I am pretty sure for the entire 20 minutes it took us to get to church, my
name was called at least 50 times.
We get to church at 9 in the morning because my husband
plays the bass guitar and he has practice. So for the 30 minutes that he
practices, my children also demand my attention. We walk to the water faucet a
few times, the bathroom a couple times and around the sanctuary to burn off
energy. At least a few times, I have to usher the littlest one out towards the foyer
because she is talking (well screaming) a little too loud. And then during
worship, my children test the width of my lap by both of them attempting to sit
These are the moments I cherish, but from the time my
son walks into the room to wake me up in the morning my attention is devoted to
them. My amazing husband (he is) works on Saturdays so there are times I feel
pulled in so many directions. The weekly laundry needs to get done, the carpet
vacuumed, the bathrooms cleaned. In addition, my children need me…and all of
me. They need my focus and my attention.
(my children NEED my attention)
And so my days are filled with noise. I have made it a
purpose to make spending time with God in prayer a priority. This is difficult
at times. There are ALWAYS toys to pick up. There are ALWAYS dishes that need
to be washed. There are ALWAYS clothes that need to be washed and put away.
There is ALWAYS dinner that needs to be made. There is ALWAYS two children and
a husband that DESERVE my attention. Even when I go to sleep there is ALWAYS
noise. I am constantly thinking of the things that need to get done.
Yet I have discovered that if I am always living in
noise I live a physically drained and emotionally depleted life. I need stillness.
The Bible tells us “Be Still and know that I am God.” And while there might be
a different context that the scripture was written, I believe it is so
important that I am STILL. I need to daily make it a point to find time to be
STILL and rest in the presence of God.
Last night I sat on the couch downstairs and I looked at
the toys scattered throughout the house. My children were sleeping, my husband
and I were fortunate enough to be able to have a date after church and I
allowed myself be STILL in the presence of God. I allowed myself to not care
that the toys were on the floor, and that there was a basket of laundry
upstairs. I just sat and meditated on the goodness of God.
I encourage you to allow yourself to be STILL on a daily
basis. I encourage you to drown out the noise of a marriage that is crumbling.
Drown out the noise of a pregnancy that is not coming to pass. Drown out the
noise of another year that you are single. Drown out the noise of the financial
troubles. Drown out the noise of the worry that is trying to consume you. Drown
out the noise of the job situation. Drown out the noise of the bleak diagnosis.
Drown out the noise of your messy house. Drown out the noise…..
And just be STILL. Because it is when we are STILL that
we are able to rest in God’s peace. When we are STILL we are able to hear God
speak to our life and in our life. When we are STILL we are able to hear Him
gain the victory over our situation. When we are STILL we are able to gain strength
for the mountain in front of us. When we are STILL we able to gain comfort.
More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus.
My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.
To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …
This past week my social media was inundated with engagement and wedding posts. It seemed as though everyone was either getting married or engaged during the month of November. And as I scrolled through the many pictures I began to think of those who are filled with guilt or shame over their past and who every time they see an engagement announcement or wedding picture think within themselves "that will never be me."
You have convinced yourself that because you had sex outside of marriage, or because you were in an unequally yoked relationship or because you are a single parent, or because before you were a Christian you had an abortion, or because even though you didn't have sex you didn't maintain sexual purity, (the list can go on) that you don't deserve or never will get that "happily ever after."
Your sin may have been exposed to all due to a pregnancy or maybe yours is hidden in shame and secrecy and you are afraid to even admit what you have don…
They are getting remarried already! Didn't their spouse just die? They sure do move on fast.I would never remarry if I lost my spouse... The list can go on... I came across an article today about a famous individual whose wife died 15 months ago. This famous individual recently got engaged and I read the comments under the article and they brought tears to my eyes. Many people said that he must not have loved his wife because he was engaged so soon after her death. Some of the key words I read were “that was so fast,” and “moving on so quickly.” The headline of the article even stated “just 15 months after his wife’s death” when referring to his engagement. And those words stung because the people who were writing them must not have experienced the pain of losing a spouse, because if they had, they would offer support rather than judgement. Unless you have had to say good-bye to your spouse you cannot fully understand the pain a widow feels. Yet, some are so quick to judge how a per…