My name is Kimberli and my husband, Melchor, was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2014. The blog began as I chronicled his journey with cancer. He never stopped praising God in the midst of all he was going through. He passed away on February 14, 2017 and is now rejoicing in heaven. This blog now chronicles a stage of life I didn't think I would enter until I was in my 80s or 90s, that of widowhood.
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One day you
will be planning your wedding. One day you will have a collection of magazines
sitting on your bed as your pick the color flowers for your bouquet. One day
you will be writing a guest list. One day you will walk down the aisle and say “I
do.” Or if you are a guy reading this, there will be a day you will be listening
to your fiancé planning the wedding. There will be a day you will accompany her
to cake testing and gift registry. One day, you will.
You may be
wondering when that day will come. Though you haven’t told anyone or many
people, you have been consumed with fear. Every year you get older and you
wonder when that day will come. As you see friends of yours marrying and people
younger than you in relationships, you wonder when your day will come.
(I was always a bridesmaid...)
You live for
God. You serve Him. You are active in ministry. You lift your hands in worship
and praise on Sundays. You shout “Amen” during Bible Study. When people ask for
prayer concerning their situation, you sincerely seek God and believe He will
answer. You have seen God do so many things in your own life. Doors that only
God could open have been opened. The job you have. The house you live in. The healing
in your heart from past scars. God has done so much for you.
Yet there is
a little bit of fear in you. Although society puts pressure on you to be in a
relationship there is also a social stigma attached to vocalizing prayer
because you want to be married. There shouldn’t be.
in prayer, I truly felt as though this is what God is speaking to you:
“I see your
desires. The desires you don’t share with many people. You have put on a smile,
when you have been hurting. You have laughed it off when people ask you why you
are still single, but I see the hurt. I see the pain those questions cause you.
I see you wondering, when the door will be open. I see you fearing that it won’t
happen. I see the tears you don’t want anyone to know you have shed. I have
heard you ask me “When will I get married?” But I want to remind you there is
nothing too hard for me. Your prayers have not gone unnoticed. Your desires
have not gone unseen. You have been afraid to even verbalize these desires but
don’t be afraid. If you could only see what I see. I see more than just the
wedding, I see the marriage. The marriage that is going to have a strong
foundation. While others have compromised and while others have taken matters
into their own hands, you have remained faithful. Continue. Don’t let the words
of others make you feel as though something is wrong with you. Age is not a
limitation to me. Don’t look elsewhere for a relationship, maintain your walk
with me and doors will open. You wonder how but you are only seeing what is in
front of you, I see everything. I knew every day of your life before you were
even born. I created the heavens and the earth. I caused the Red Sea to part. I
rained down Manna from heaven. I saved Daniel from the lion’s den. I delivered
David from Saul. I did all of this. Is anything too hard for me? No! You have
been obedient and you have walked in my path. There may have been times when
you have strayed and done things on your own, but I am a God of forgiveness. Your
past is not an obstacle to me. You trust in me to be your financial provider.
Your trust in me to open doors of ministry. You trust in me for direction on
the job. You need to continue to trust in me concerning your marriage. You will
not be single forever and when the day comes you will be thankful for every
closed door because your marriage will be blessed. Continue listening to my
voice, not the voice of others. I have seen your desires.”
(Even when I was just a young girl with an afro, God knew every day of my life. He knew when I would get married.)
As I end
this blog, may I encourage you to continue walking on the path God has you on.
God has a purpose and He has a plan for you and marriage is part of that plan.
There will be a day when you will walk down the aisle and there will be a day
that you will get married. Listening to society will cause you pain, but
listening to God will give you peace. It doesn’t matter how old you are, God
can open doors. There is nothing impossible for Him. NOTHING!!!!!!! If you
believe God is a healer, a financial provider, a deliverer, a savior, a
restorer, then you also need to believe that God can open the doors for
More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus.
My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.
To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …
On February 14th I lost my best friend. My husband. The father of my two precious children. Since then I have cried a multitude of tears. My heart feels shattered. I am 36 and the pain I feel is immense and so I can't even begin to imagine how the pain of losing their dad feels to a six year old and five year old. Our house feels so empty. Pictures of my husband fill each room as do memories. It is so hard to convey the pain the one feels from losing someone they loved so much. Last night I held a five year old girl as she sobbed uncontrollably because she missed her dad so much. And when she finally fell asleep from crying, I slipped out of the bed, went to the loft and then cried uncontrollably myself. I absolutely know that my husband is in heaven and I have so much peace that he is not suffering anymore. When I think of all that he had to endure the last two years of cancer treatment I am thankful that he is not in pain any longer. He had chemo dripping through his body at tim…
I woke up a wife today but am going to sleep a widow. My children woke up today with a dad they could touch and are going to sleep with just memories. Mel's body was too tired. Too exhausted. He had fought for so long. And he could not fight any longer
Crushed. That word doesn't describe how I feel. Death is hard. But this was unexpected. We were planning hospital discharge plans last Thursday and the expected discharge date was February 14th. I had no idea that he was going home just not his earthly one.
Devastated. Because I don't know how to go through life without my husband by my side. The Bible talks about what two get married they become one and so I feel like half of me has been taken away. He was an amazing husband. God truly knew what I needed in a husband and while I am devastated I only got seven years of marriage with him, I am blessed to have had those seven year.
Heartbroken. More than the pain I feel from losing my spouse I am broken over the fact that my k…