These last couple of months have been some of the hardest months of my life. I look at pictures taken from my vacation in December and I think how I had no idea how much my life was going to change within such a short amount of time. One moment we are enjoying our time at the beach and the next moment we are sitting in an emergency room. I still can’t believe that I had to hear the diagnosis of cancer. You never think something like that can happen to your family. But it did. And as I sat in the hospital room looking at my husband laying in the bed as waited for the results of the biopsy my trust was in God. I knew that whatever the situation He could and would help us through it. But it was as if my world as I knew it came to a halting stop.
And even now almost two months later, even though the mass has disappeared and the healing has taken place, the life I used to have has not returned. And even though God has opened doors, there are situations we are still dealing with. The story did not end with the healing. There are still situations we find ourselves facing. And this morning I was tired. I was exhausted. I was drained. The mountain seems to be getting taller and I was tired of climbing.
And so this evening when my husband was at his parent’s house with the kids, I did the only thing you can do in a situation like this. I went into my room and prayed. I didn’t ask that God remove the mountain, because I know if God wants me to climb it there must be a reason. I didn’t ask God to do things the way I want them done, because I know that His ways are higher than my own. I didn’t ask God why He wasn’t moving the way He has in other’s lives, because I know that even though I can’t see the situation changing, God is in control. I didn’t ask Him to take me out of the wilderness, because I know that there are times in the midst of the wilderness God’s hand and power are seen the most.
I reaffirmed that I was available to Him. I let Him know that I don’t understand the situation and I have no idea how things will work out, but I was still available to Him. I said the lyrics of the song “If you can use anyone Lord, you can use me.” I let Him know that I was weary, but that I was going to continue walking on the path He had called me to walk. I let Him know the journey was difficult, but I thanked Him for never leaving my side. I declared that I would walk down the road and I would do it praising God. I reminded myself of the things God has done for me in the past. I reminded myself of the things God has done for others. And I proclaimed, like Isaiah did “Here am I send me!”
I asked that God would give me strength for this journey. And God reminded me that He is my guide. He reminded me that He never left Joseph when he was in the prison. And He never left David when he was on the run from Saul. And He never left Esther when she was married to an unbelieving king. He reminded me that when the disciples were on the boat when it was storming He was right there. And He reminded me that He has not left me.
While praying I felt God’s embrace. I felt His comfort. I felt Him whisper words of love. I entered into my room physically and emotionally drained, but I left with strength. I left with comfort. I left with peace.
I did the only thing I know to do when situations come my way. I prayed. Worrying doesn’t change the situation. Letting fear control you doesn’t change the situation. Stressing doesn’t change the situation. Agonizing doesn’t change the situation. Trying to figure things out on your own doesn’t change the situation. But prayer changes things.
So this evening, I prayed. I left my worries at the altar. I put the situation in God’s hand. And so I encourage you whatever situation you are dealing with, I encourage you to go to God in prayer.