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Showing posts from April, 2015

What if we were real?

What if we were real?

What if we were honest?

What if we weren't scared of taking off the mask?

What if we could express how we really felt inside?

What if we could let people know that we really don't feel strong?

What if we could let them know that we really don't know how we are going to make it through the situation we are facing?

What if we felt comfortable enough to let the tears fall down our cheeks?

What if instead of forcing that smile on our face we could just be real?

What if we could honestly say that we feel as though everything is falling apart?

What if we didn't have to feel the need to have it all together?

What if??????????????????????????????????????????

Instead we do put on that mask. We smile. We laugh. We act like everything is great.

But today, I take that mask off. And while it is a mask I wear in front of people, it is also a mask I put up with God.

But today I take it off.

I am scared.
I am tired.
I am drained.
I feel depleted.
I am weak.


Cancer really does suck

I'm wishing I was doing what I see others doing on my FB feed. I wish I was vacationing. I wish I was shopping. I wish I was having a date night. I wish my children were playing soccer.

But I'm not. I'm waiting for the nurses to give my husband his second platelet transfusion. I'm listening to the dr tell him that his WBC keeps dropping even though they are giving him shots. I'm sleeping on the most uncomfortable couch in a hospital room because my husband has cancer. I'm exhausted beyond description. I'm having to make the difficult decision between staying with my kids at night or staying with my husband. I'm looking at a calendar of days my husband has been in the hospital and the chemo calendar.

And I wonder why. Why did my husband have to get cancer? Why couldn't it be a murderer? A dead-beat dad? A drug abusing mom? Why my husband?

Why does this have to be our life? Why does my husband have to endure a year of chemo? A year of hospitals? Why d…

The marriage vows

"For sickness or health, for richer or poorer, till death due us part..."

Do you remember saying those words as you looked lovingly in the eyes of the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with? Do you remember holding their hand as you spoke them thinking "How did I get so lucky?" Do you remember how you counted down the days until you were married so you wouldn't have to say goodbye when the night ended but instead you would be able to say goodnight as you went to bed together?

Or has it become a distant memory interrupted by the chaos of life? Has your marriage become a routine of getting up, getting ready for work, saying a quick goodbye only to return home exhausted and frustrated? Have the date nights been replaced by dirty diapers and piles of bills? Do you ever wonder what happened to the fairy tale romance you once had?

Did he leave the dishes in the sink overnight after he said he would wash them and now you are stuck scrubbing dinner o…

It was worth the wait


That is how old I was when I got married. Throughout my twenties I witnessed friend after friend of mine enter into relationships and get married and I remained single. I witnessed those younger than me dating and I remained single.

But it was worth the wait. Every day that I was single was worth it because God has blessed me with an amazing husband.

We live in a relationship inundated society. Magazine articles focus on relationships. Television shows and movies focus on relationships. Songs focus on relationships. Many times the message that is conveyed is a message that is contrary to the word of God. Society tells us to date around. Society tells us it is okay to have sex before marriage. Society tells us if it is not working to discard it. All of these are lies. Society also does a great job convincing those who are in their 20's, 30's and 40's that if they are single something is wrong with them. Society (which may include family members, friends, co-workers a…

He knows the end of the story

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways" saith the Lord "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

We see cancer. We see chemotherapy. We see hospital stays. We see side effects. We see expenses. We see exhaustion. We see a lonely road at times. We see where our life is right now...

But God sees the end of the story.

He sees healing. He sees recovery. He sees us having a more intimate relationship with Him. He sees a dedication to the things of God. He sees Malachi and Hannah developing a level of trust in God even at their young age. He sees open doors. He sees restoration of what was lost.

He sees the end of the story because He wrote it.

This has not been an easy road we are traveling on. It has not been a road we chose to take. It has been filled with tears and exhaustion.

But even during the times when we were weak with exhaustion, we could…