The round is much harder than the first on my family. Last year we counted down to the end of chemotherapy. Even though 2015 was incredibly difficult, we had something to look forward to. We thought the last cycle of chemo in December would be it and my husband would be able to do well on the maintenance drugs. We weren't expecting the cancer to return. Yet only 4 months after Mel finished his last cycle of chemo it did. And it hurts.
I have witnessed my strong husband sobbing. I have seen him drained and exhausted. I have stood outside the bathroom door as he was vomiting. I have seen him lay in bed sleeping much of the day because of the effects of the medicine he is taking. I have listened to the doctors tell us that a bone marrow transplant is necessary. I have experienced the heartache of knowing that he does not have a match in the system. It hurts to hear statistics like only 72% of Hispanics find matches and less than 10% of the registry consists of Hispanics. I have had to listen and answer some difficult questions from my children. I listen to my children tell me they wish their daddy was home.
I have cried many days and have wondered why us? Why is this a road we have had to endure? Why does this have to be our life? Why does this have to be our pain? I am not afraid to ask God those questions. I am not ashamed to go to Him with my fears. I take my mask off in prayer. I let my guard down. And I allow God to see my broken heart. I allow Him to see a weary wife and mother. I allow Him to listen to my worries. I don't try to act like I am strong. I don't try to act like I am not afraid. Because I am. I am broken. And I am hurt. And I do have fears. And I am not strong. This is a difficult road.
17 long months we have endured this heartache. 17 months of chemotherapy. 17 months of hospital stays. 17 months of financial uncertainty. 17 months of pain. Cancer hurts. Cancer is ugly. It depletes. It tries to destroy.
But cancer can't rob us of our faith and trust in God. I go to God with my fears and my hurt and in my weakness because I know God hears me. With tears streaming down my face, I know God is offering my comfort. When I don't know how I will make it through the day I go to God. When my heart is broken over the plans that have not come to pass, I go to God. When I see my husband hurting, I go to God. When the storm doesn't seem like it will ever end, I go to God.
He still heals. He still makes a way. He has not lost His power. He has not left the throne. He is in control and He can change the situation. So I go to God. I take off my mask. And I place our life in His hands. There is nothing I can do to change the situation, but God just needs to say the word and it will be done. I know we are broken, but God can pick up the pieces of our life and put them back together.
And so the storm is pounding. And our life has been shaken. Yet our house is built upon a firm foundation. This storm will not destroy us. We will continue to have days where we cry. We will continue to have days where we hurt beyond description. We will continue to have moments where we feel weak and tired and depleted. But we know Our God will get us through. We know He will help us endure.
Cancer may be able to do many things but it absolutely cannot rob me of my relationship with God.
Click Here to go go to the bethematch site and register to be a bone marrow donor.
The news interviewed me about the need for more Hispanic bone marrow donations. Here is the link to the news report.
Some have asked how they can help out financially. Here is the link
If you would like to follow the facebook page we set up, Here is the link