Skip to main content

What cancer cannot do

This has been a long week....and it is only Tuesday. Cancer is exhausting. It depletes. It hurts. There is no nice way to describe it.

The round is much harder than the first on my family. Last year we counted down to the end of chemotherapy. Even though 2015 was incredibly difficult, we had something to look forward to. We thought the last cycle of chemo in December would be it and my husband would be able to do well on the maintenance drugs. We weren't expecting the cancer to return. Yet only 4 months after Mel finished his last cycle of chemo it did. And it hurts.

My children should not know what cancer is. Yet they do.

I have witnessed my strong husband sobbing. I have seen him drained and exhausted. I have stood outside the bathroom door as he was vomiting. I have seen him lay in bed sleeping much of the day because of the effects of the medicine he is taking. I have listened to the doctors tell us that a bone marrow transplant is necessary. I have experienced the heartache of knowing that he does not have a match in the system. It hurts to hear statistics like only 72% of Hispanics find matches and less than 10% of the registry consists of Hispanics. I have had to listen and answer some difficult questions from my children. I listen to my children tell me they wish their daddy was home.

(Here is my son singing a song about cancer) 

My husband was set to start working on May 2nd and I have had to watch as he emails the hiring coordinator to let her know he wouldn't be able to work after all. I have seen his hard work and dedication to school the last 3 years. His semester was almost done and he has had to email his professors letting them know that he was not going to be able to complete the semester.

I have cried many days and have wondered why us? Why is this a road we have had to endure? Why does this have to be our life? Why does this have to be our pain? I am not afraid to ask God those questions. I am not ashamed to go to Him with my fears. I take my mask off in prayer. I let my guard down. And I allow God to see my broken heart. I allow Him to see a weary wife and mother. I allow Him to listen to my worries. I don't try to act like I am strong. I don't try to act like I am not afraid. Because I am. I am broken. And I am hurt. And I do have fears. And I am not strong. This is a difficult road.

We have spent too many Sunday's going to church without Mel since he has been in the hospital.

17 long months we have endured this heartache. 17 months of chemotherapy. 17 months of hospital stays. 17 months of financial uncertainty. 17 months of pain. Cancer hurts. Cancer is ugly. It depletes. It tries to destroy.

But cancer can't rob us of our faith and trust in God. I go to God with my fears and my hurt and in my weakness because I know God hears me. With tears streaming down my face, I know God is offering my comfort. When I don't know how I will make it through the day I go to God. When my heart is broken over the plans that have not come to pass, I go to God. When I see my husband hurting, I go to God. When the storm doesn't seem like it will ever end, I go to God.

He still heals. He still makes a way. He has not lost His power. He has not left the throne. He is in control and He can change the situation. So I go to God. I take off my mask. And I place our life in His hands. There is nothing I can do to change the situation, but God just needs to say the word and it will be done. I know we are broken, but God can pick up the pieces of our life and put them back together.

And so the storm is pounding. And our life has been shaken. Yet our house is built upon a firm foundation. This storm will not destroy us. We will continue to have days where we cry. We will continue to have days where we hurt beyond description. We will continue to have moments where we feel weak and tired and depleted. But we know Our God will get us through. We know He will help us endure.

Cancer may be able to do many things but it absolutely cannot rob me of my relationship with God.

He is absolutely the best dad!


Click Here to go go to the bethematch site and register to be a bone marrow donor. 

The news interviewed me about the need for more Hispanic bone marrow donations. Here is the link to the news report.

Some have asked how they can help out financially.  Here is the link

If you would like to follow the facebook page we set up, Here is the link


Popular posts from this blog

Why the church doesn't need any more coffee bars

More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus. 

My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.

To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …

To the Christian who had sex before marriage

This past week my social media was inundated with engagement and wedding posts. It seemed as though everyone was either getting married or engaged during the month of November. And as I scrolled through the many pictures I began to think of those who are filled with guilt or shame over their past and who every time they see an engagement announcement or wedding picture think within themselves "that will never be me."

You have convinced yourself that because you had sex outside of marriage, or because you were in an unequally yoked relationship or because you are a single parent, or because before you were a Christian you had an abortion, or because even though you didn't have sex you didn't maintain sexual purity, (the list can go on) that you don't deserve or never will get that "happily ever after."

Your sin may have been exposed to all due to a pregnancy or maybe yours is hidden in shame and secrecy and you are afraid to even admit what you have don…

Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?

Monday night my six year old daughter came running to my bedroom with tears streaming down her eyes. She was crying so hard I could barely decipher the words coming out of her mouth. "Mommy, I miss daddy.... Life isn't the same without him.... Why did he have to die???? Why didn't God heal daddy????I wish God would let him come back."

Why can't the difficult questions my children ask be "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Why, at seven and six do they have to ask "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?"  Most six year olds are playing with toys, learning to read and watching their favorite television shows. For the most part, so is my daughter but then there are nights like Monday where the tears stream down her face for an hour. Or there are days where I find her in her bedroom, holding a picture of her dad to her chest silently crying and when she sees me asks, "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?" 

My children ask me question…