Skip to main content

The fear of having to plan a funeral...

A 30 year old shouldn't have to plan their funeral. A father of two young kids shouldn't have to think about losing his life. A husband shouldn't have to worry about the family he may leave behind.

Yet that is what is happening in our home. As Christians we often don't talk about statistics and death because people often criticize one's lack of faith or trust. Yet statistics stare at my family on a daily basis. Statistics state that without a bone marrow transplant my husband will die. Statistics tell us that when this type of cancer returns a person can't expect to live another year. Statistics shout at us on a daily basis. And there are times we can ignore it. Times when my husband is feeling good that we can have a positive outlook. But there are times like this week when his legs have been in unbearable pain that the statistics shout louder. There are times like this week when he discovers bumps on his head that the statistics scream in our face. There are times like this week when he has to go in for testing to determine whether or not he can get a bone marrow transplant that statistics laugh at us.

For 18 months we have been praying for a healing. 18 months crying out to God with a broken heart. Because a 30 year old shouldn't have to plan his funeral. A 5 year old boy shouldn't have to bury his father. A 4 year old girl shouldn't have to attend a funeral. And a wife shouldn't end up a widow.

Why did my husband have to get cancer? Why is this pain inflicting my family? Why hasn't God stepped in yet and healed my husband? Why hasn't God declared an end to cancer treatment and declared my husband free from this disease?


We've prayed for a healing yet the cancer returned. We've prayed for a miracle yet his siblings are only half matches for a bone marrow transplant. We prayed for a healing yet he now has bumps on his head that can be lesions from the Lymphoma returning. We've prayed for a healing but now the conversation revolves around planning a funeral. And I just think my kids can't be robbed of an amazing dad. I can't be robbed of a husband.

My husband had lab work done yesterday. He is getting further lab work completed today. He has a biopsy on the bumps on his head on the 5th of July. And if cancer has returned that means the chemo has stopped working. And if cancer has returns that means my husband can't get a bone marrow transplant. And if cancer has returned that means, unless God steps in, within this next year I will be planning a funeral.


Everyone criticizes Martha in the Bible because when her brother died she ran out to Jesus and said "If you would have been here my brother wouldn't have died." But those that criticize Martha have no idea what it's like to face death. Because we know God can complete a healing. We know He can perform the miracle. But there are times, like with Martha, we called out to God to perform the work and "3 days has passed" and He hasn't come. It hurts when it's been 18 months and the cancer persists. We know God can step in but it's painful when the doctor's list statistics. And when your only hope is a miracle from God you don't want him to wait until the 3rd day, you want Him to step in now.

Until you are in the position where you absolutely need a miracle you will not understand how painful that road is. It is very easy to say "Trust in God..." and it is easy to say "There is nothing impossible with God..." But there are times when God chooses not to heal. There are times when the miracle doesn't come. There are times when a person has to plan a funeral.  And when a person has to live with a cancer diagnosis thinking about what happens if the healing doesn't come isn't a lack of faith. Breaking down in tears because you can't imagine your life without the person you love so much isn't a lack of trusting in God.

We have no control over the situation we find ourselves in. And it is painful. And I don't want to have to plan a funeral.


You can register to be a bone marrow donor  by registering at https://join.bethematch.org/matchmel
Here is the link to our FB page https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/
And a link to our gofundme pagehttps://www.gofundme.com/melchorlira

Comments

  1. I'm sorry. Such hard things to have to think about :(

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why the church doesn't need any more coffee bars

More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus. 

My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.






To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …

To the Christian who had sex before marriage

This past week my social media was inundated with engagement and wedding posts. It seemed as though everyone was either getting married or engaged during the month of November. And as I scrolled through the many pictures I began to think of those who are filled with guilt or shame over their past and who every time they see an engagement announcement or wedding picture think within themselves "that will never be me."

You have convinced yourself that because you had sex outside of marriage, or because you were in an unequally yoked relationship or because you are a single parent, or because before you were a Christian you had an abortion, or because even though you didn't have sex you didn't maintain sexual purity, (the list can go on) that you don't deserve or never will get that "happily ever after."

Your sin may have been exposed to all due to a pregnancy or maybe yours is hidden in shame and secrecy and you are afraid to even admit what you have don…

Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?

Monday night my six year old daughter came running to my bedroom with tears streaming down her eyes. She was crying so hard I could barely decipher the words coming out of her mouth. "Mommy, I miss daddy.... Life isn't the same without him.... Why did he have to die???? Why didn't God heal daddy????I wish God would let him come back."

Why can't the difficult questions my children ask be "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Why, at seven and six do they have to ask "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?"  Most six year olds are playing with toys, learning to read and watching their favorite television shows. For the most part, so is my daughter but then there are nights like Monday where the tears stream down her face for an hour. Or there are days where I find her in her bedroom, holding a picture of her dad to her chest silently crying and when she sees me asks, "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?" 





My children ask me question…