Twenty-five months ago our world was turned upside down when the emergency room doctor told my husband he had cancer. My husband has spent more than 350 nights sleeping in a hospital bed. He has been hospitalized on 17 different occasions. He has undergone 14 cycles of brutal chemo. He has experienced the short lived joy of remission. We have had hospital rooms filled with lung doctors, kidney doctors, heart doctors, brain doctors and cancer doctors. We have witnessed the cancer disappear only to be followed by complete paralysis as a result of the chemotherapy. We have experienced a pain unimaginable and indescribable.
We have cried a multitude of tears. My husband has not been able to hug his children in 5 months. He has not been able to get on the floor with them and play Lego's. He hasn't been able to go outside and kick the soccer ball with them. He hasn't been able to lay down next to them at night and read a bedtime story. Once a common occurrence, in the last 6 months he has not been able to take them to the zoo, the park or even to the grocery store. I have slept in a separate bed from my husband for the last six months and our living room has been transformed to a bedroom with his hospital bed. I have not felt my husband's arm wrapped around me in a hug and he has not been able to grab my hand and hold it. I listen to my children tell me how much they miss their dad when he is hospitalized. I wipe their tears and hold them tight as they cry uncontrollably at another night spent apart from their dad. I listen to them tell me how sad they are that their dad can't play with them and can't walk. I listen to my amazing husband cry and tell me how tired he is. I have seen the pain in his eyes the multiple times doctors have said there wasn't anything else they could do. I experience the exhaustion as I set my alarm for every 2 hours in the night to turn him. I work 40 hours a week, home-school two children and take care of a a paralyzed husband. We have experienced so much pain within the last two years.
And while doctor's give us no hope we continue to declare and believe in the power of God. This is a very difficult position to find oneself in. Sunday after Sunday prior to the cancer diagnosis we stood and sang well known praise and worship songs. In the songs, we raised our hands in worship to words that declared that God was a healer, and that He was good all of the time. We praised Him when the words of the song declared that He is awesome and that He can move mountains. We clapped and shouted "Amen" when the preacher declared God's ability. We stood on our feet and agreed when the pastor declared that God could do all things. When life was going great we declared loudly that we were Christians and believed that God could do anything.
And those things don't change when cancer invades your home and the situation becomes impossible for man. Doctor's have given us no hope. There is nothing more they can do. And while this is not a fun position to find ourselves in, it is the perfect position for God to reveal Himself to the world. There are no impossibilities for God. There are impossible situations for man, but no situation is too far gone for God. I respect the medical community and am pro-education but it wasn't medicine that removed a tumor that was encasing many of my husband's vital organs. In January 2015 the doctor told us she was surprised that the tumor disappeared without any chemotherapy. When the doctor told us that there was a 50% chance that after three cycles of chemo the cancer that had spread to the spine, bone marrow and was scattered throughout my husband's body would disappear, God did it after one day of chemotherapy.When the doctors told us that my husband had three weeks to live because the spinal cord damage was going to spread to his brain an MRI in November impressed doctors because the spinal cord damage was decreasing at a rapid rate. It is not enough to declare about God's ability and power when life is going the way you want it to. One needs to continue and believe those words when heartache strikes.
The words we sang on Sunday when life was going according to plan are still true when our world has been turned upside down multiple times. I want the world to know that there is a God. And He can do anything. There are no impossible situations. He is good when life is going the way we want it to. But He is just as good when the diagnosis is cancer and the prognosis is poor. I am declaring the power of God. I am speaking life into the bone marrow. I am declaring healing upon my husband's body. I am speaking restoration to my husband's body. I am believing that a miracle will take place and this will be a testimony to those who have walked away from God and to those who deny the existence of God. I am not believing the words of the doctor and it is not because I am ignorant. I am not believing those words because God has the final say. He sits on the throne no matter what is going on in life. He is the author of our life. He knows how this story will end. And so we may not have heard the words we wanted to hear today but there is still hope.