All is well

On February 14th I lost my best friend. My husband. The father of my two precious children. Since then I have cried a multitude of tears. My heart feels shattered. I am 36 and the pain I feel is immense and so I can't even begin to imagine how the pain of losing their dad feels to a six year old and five year old. Our house feels so empty. Pictures of my husband fill each room as do memories. It is so hard to convey the pain the one feels from losing someone they loved so much. Last night I held a five year old girl as she sobbed uncontrollably because she missed her dad so much. And when she finally fell asleep from crying, I slipped out of the bed, went to the loft and then cried uncontrollably myself. I absolutely know that my husband is in heaven and I have so much peace that he is not suffering anymore. When I think of all that he had to endure the last two years of cancer treatment I am thankful that he is not in pain any longer. He had chemo dripping through his body at times for 24 hours. He would spend two weeks every month in the hospital getting chemo. He experienced painful neuropathy that made it impossible to sleep through the night. And then for the last four months he was paralyzed and confined to a bed. He didn't complain. But I know he was so tired. And so I am thankful that God saw the pain my husband was in and chose to call to him home. Yet I am hurting. And I do wish he was here. As selfish as it may be, I would take Mel paralyzed, lying in a bed for the next 50 years just to have him with me.

But I am declaring that all is well. All doesn't have to feel good for it to be well. I don't feel good. I am hurting, as anyone who lost a spouse would, but I am declaring that all is well. I at times can't see past the pain I am in, but I know that every word in scripture is true. I know God is close to me since I am brokenhearted. I know that God hears every single prayer and sees every single tear I have cried. I know God comforts those who mourn. I know weeping will endure for a night, but joy is coming. I know that God will piece together my heart. I know that God has not left me. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I know that while Satan would hope this will destroy me, God can do a mighty thing through this pain. I know that storms don't last forever and after a rain comes a harvest. I know God can restore all that has been lost.

And so I declare that all is well. I won't stop trusting in God. I won't stop praising God. I won't stop living for God. I will never stop praying because I know God answers prayers. I will pour my pain out to God because I know He is my comforter. And I will continue declaring that all is well because it is. All may not be easy. All may not feel good. All may not be how I thought it would turn out. But all is well because God is on my side. His love will see me through. The storm clouds won't hover over my life forever. I believe that story God has written for my life contains restoration of things that have been lost and while we are in a chapter called heartache right now I do believe that written in that same chapter is peace and comfort. All is well.

If you are reading this and are experiencing a difficult time, I encourage you to declare that all is well. Your pain may be different from the pain I am experiencing. The mountain you have been forced to climb may not be the sames the mountain I am climbing, but I want to encourage you that God has not left you. He has not abandoned you. You are not alone on this climb. God will see you through. The story may not end the way you thought it would end but God has a purpose and a plan for everything. You can declare that all is well because God is with you.


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Mel was in need of a bone marrow transplant and there wasn't a full match. Consider registering to be a bone marrow donor


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