The challenges a young widow (and widower) face

When I go to the grocery store with my children no one would know that a month ago my husband passed away. From outside appearances, I do not match the image most of us have in our mind about widows (and widowers). I am 36. I have a five year old daughter and a six year old son. Most people when they see me in the grocery store, the park or a restaurant, would probably assume that my husband was at home or at work. It most likely never crosses their mind that my husband is no longer living.  I don't claim to be an expert on widowhood. I have only been a widow for a month. I write about what I am going through though. I hate that the last two years my posts have been about cancer and now about being a widow. Those are two things no one wants to experience but cancer and death stormed into my home and I write so others can see a glimpse of what those things are like.



There are challenges a young widow (and widower) face. There are some who may feel that because your time with your spouse was so short it will be easiser to move on. Some may even think that because you are young you can just remarry.  And some people may feel that because you didn't have as many years of marriage as someone who had 50, the pain you are experiencing is not as brutal. But the truth is the pain stings no matter how many years a person was married. The person you dreamed of spending the rest of your life together with is no longer here. And a part of you is gone as well.  Because my time with my spouse was so short, I at times feel as though I was robbed of time. Robbed of making memories. There will come a day when the date on the calendar will reveal the time spent apart from my husband was longer than the time spent with him. And that stings.



Finding time to grieve can be hard for a young widow (or widower) if they have children. Financially, I have to work. And so two week's after my husband passed away I returned to my job.  My day is incredibly exhausting. I work full time. I homeschool my children in the evening. I have laundry to do, meals to prepare, dishes to wash and toys to pick up. There is no down-time in my home. I have lied to my children on more than one occassion, telling them I have to go to the bathroom, just to get a moment to breathe. My children (although they are 6 and 5) still sleep in bed with me and while I enjoy this, I really have no time to myself. And so grieving is challenging to a young widow (and widower) with children. I can't just lay in bed and cry like I would like to at times. My day is so busy that it seems as though the grief hits me the hardest after my children fall asleep. It pounds me like a wave that has been building up throughout the day. Then I reminded I don't have my husband's hand to hold anymore. I don't have his chest to lie. I don't have him to share my dreams with. He is gone and the pain is crushing.

 









It is also hard seeing the pain my children are enduring. We are a fix-it society. We want to make things better right away. When a parent dies, things aren't better right away for children. Malachi and Hannah spend their day playing. Laughter fills our house. They have smiles on their face throughout the day. But they are hurting and the pain reveals itself in the evening. This week, I have comforted my children as they lay in bed at night crying so hard because they miss their dad. It is the every day things they miss so much. They are missing the piggy-back and shoulder rides, the games of catch, building forts together and reading bedtime stories. They had an amazing dad and he is gone. And for a young widow (and widower) their focus is not just on healing for themselves as they learn how to navigate without their spouse, the focus is on the children as well.


 


Again, I don't claim to be an expert on widowhood. The grieving process for one widow may be completely different than the grieving process for another. For myself, I know the only way I will ever obtain healing over the loss of my husband is to rely completely on God. I know the only way my children and I will make it through these incredibly challenging days is to draw near to God and place our complete trust in Him. I am shattered over the loss of my husband. But I am trusting that God has not left me. And I am trusting that my husband's death will not destroy my children and me. There are many challenges that a young widow (and widower) face but those challenges are not too big for God. There are obstacles that I will face in the weeks, months and years to come, but I know every step of the way, God will be there. I know we will be able to look back and while we will see the pain from losing Mel we will also see the hand of God upon our life. God is close to the brokenhearted. He sees our tears. He knows our pain. Though my heart is hurting, I know God's love will cover me. His comfort will surround me. His peace will fill my mind. His strength will see me through each day. The mountain placed in front of me is not too big to climb.







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Here is the link to my FB page where I detailed my husband's fight with cancer and continue to share https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/

Many people have asked so I am including the gofund me link to this post gofundme.com/melchorlira

My instagram is @kimjoylira



 

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