Why Satan doesn't want me to pray

On Saturday I found myself alone in the house for the first time since Mel passed away. There has not been one day since Mel died that I have been without the children. And really there hasn’t been a day since probably since April or May of last year that I have been by myself. And so I went upstairs to the room where I usually pray and fell to the floor and poured my heart out to God. There were times during my time in prayer where I had no words to say, but I let the tears that fell so freely be the words of my prayer. I presented my hurting heart to God. I presented the intense pain that doesn’t seem to go away to God. I gave Him my worries and my fears.

Prayer is one thing that Satan doesn’t want me to do. The Bible talks about Satan being like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour. When lions hunt they usually look for the weak. They target the young, the old and the hurting because those are the easiest to take down. The strong animals fight back too hard and too long and the lions want to devour one that is weakened and who won’t be able to withstand their attack. And Satan is just like that. He seeks after the weak and in his eyes, I am vulnerable. My husband just died. I am hurting. I am mourning. I am devastated. I picture Satan like the vultures that swarm overhead looking for something that is dead. Satan wants me spiritually dead so he can devour me. And he doesn’t want me to pray. He knows that if I don't pray and if I don't talk with God, he can then fill my mind with anger, confusion, bitterness and resentment. He can strip me of peace and joy and comfort.

Prayer is what sustains us. So Satan is hoping the pain from losing my husband will keep me from praying. He is hoping the pain will turn to disappointment because the miracle didn’t come the way we wanted and I will stop going to God in prayer. He is hoping that the pain will turn to anger towards God for leaving my children without a dad and I won’t pray anymore. He is hoping that the pain will turn to resentment as I see other married couples and that I won’t pray. Because there is so much power when we pray.

When we go to Our Father in prayer things change. Mountains move. Our perspectives change when we pray. Today in prayer I told God I don’t understand. Because I don’t. I don’t understand how it can be a part of God’s plan to take a husband from a wife and a father from his children. But I didn’t end my prayer there. I let God know that even though I didn’t understand I trusted in Him. I trust in His plan. I trust that He has not left us. I trust He will restore the things that were lost. I trust He will sustain us. I trust that the purpose and plan for His life doesn’t involve pain always lingering.

I praised God during my time in prayer today because God is good. Satan would like this situation to destroy me but I know that situation will be a testimony of how in our darkest times God doesn't leave us. Yes, I am hurting, but I am not turning my back on God. Through praying and turning to God my broken heart will be pieced together. My mourning will be replaced with joy. My time of sorrow will not last always. There is no walking away from God. I am drawing closer to Him each day. I am leaning on Him during this time. I going to Him in prayer. God will see me through. And I will not be destroyed.

If you are going through something difficult, whether it is the loss of a spouse or something else, I encourage you to continue praying. Satan does want to destroy us. He doesn't want us to have a relationship with God. He wants us to throw in the towel. But Satan is the father of all lies. God is good and He will see you through.

Here is the link to the FB page where I detailed my husband's journey with cancer and am detailing the transition from wife to widow https://www.facebook.com/prayersformelchor/

My IG is @kimjoylira


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