My name is Kimberli and my husband, Melchor, was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2014. The blog began as I chronicled his journey with cancer. He never stopped praising God in the midst of all he was going through. He passed away on February 14, 2017 and is now rejoicing in heaven. This blog now chronicles a stage of life I didn't think I would enter until I was in my 80s or 90s, that of widowhood.
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I miss my husband so much...
I miss my husband so much.
I miss the way he looked at me.
I miss the way he would smile when he saw me walk through the room.
I miss the compliments he would give me when I cooked.
I miss holding his hand.
I miss sitting next to him in church.
I miss being the passenger while he is the driver.
I miss sharing my dreams with him.
I miss making parenting decisions with him.
I miss sitting on the couch after Malachi and Hannah had fallen asleep and drinking coffee.
I miss him making me coffee in the morning.
I miss watching him play bass on Sunday mornings.
I miss having his clothes mixed in with ours when I do laundry.
I miss him sleeping next to me at night.
I miss how he made me feel.
I miss his voice.
I miss his touch.
I miss his smile. I miss his laugh.
I miss hearing him pray in the middle of the night.
I miss watching him play with the kids on the floor.
I miss hearing him making cartoon character voices.
I miss seeing him share his ice cream with them at night.
I miss him putting them on his shoulders.
I miss him fixing things around the house.
I miss him assembling anything I wanted.
I miss him moving the heavy furniture for me.
I miss receiving his text messages throughout the day.
I miss his scent.
I miss hearing him call me beautiful first thing in the morning.
I miss his belly to lie on while watching television.
I miss feeling his arms wrapped around me in a hug.
I miss greeting him when he came home from work.
I miss him walking through the door at 5 in the evening.
I miss sitting across from him at dinner.
I miss asking him what he wanted me to make for dinner.
I miss hearing him say "I love you."
I miss discussing my dreams for the future with him.
I miss going on dates with him.
I miss his snores.
I miss him checking the locks at night.
I miss him turning the air conditioner on when I got hot.
I miss him changing the oil and getting the car inspection done.
I miss going to the store with him.
I miss having him to talk to.
I miss everything about him.
I miss the way he would sometimes chew with his mouth open.
I miss his not so funny jokes.
I miss how he would leave the dishes in the sink and tell me he would wash them tomorrow.
I miss how he would leave his clothes hanging on the chair.
I miss how he would make so much noise with the kids while I was taking a nap.
I miss him holding both Malachi and Hannah at the same time. I miss him taking them out of the car when they were sleeping. I miss that he could always make me smile.
I miss how much love I felt from him.
I miss hearing him practice his bass guitar in the closet.
I miss the small surprises he would bring home for me after work.
I miss hearing him call me "honey"
I miss being his wife.
I miss him.
I miss the days when he was healthy.
I miss the days when he was alive.
The funeral is over.
Days have turned into weeks and weeks into months.
More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus.
My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.
To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …
This past week my social media was inundated with engagement and wedding posts. It seemed as though everyone was either getting married or engaged during the month of November. And as I scrolled through the many pictures I began to think of those who are filled with guilt or shame over their past and who every time they see an engagement announcement or wedding picture think within themselves "that will never be me."
You have convinced yourself that because you had sex outside of marriage, or because you were in an unequally yoked relationship or because you are a single parent, or because before you were a Christian you had an abortion, or because even though you didn't have sex you didn't maintain sexual purity, (the list can go on) that you don't deserve or never will get that "happily ever after."
Your sin may have been exposed to all due to a pregnancy or maybe yours is hidden in shame and secrecy and you are afraid to even admit what you have don…
Monday night my six year old daughter came running to my bedroom with tears streaming down her eyes. She was crying so hard I could barely decipher the words coming out of her mouth. "Mommy, I miss daddy.... Life isn't the same without him.... Why did he have to die???? Why didn't God heal daddy????I wish God would let him come back."
Why can't the difficult questions my children ask be "Mommy, where do
babies come from?" Why, at seven and six do they have to ask "Mommy, why
didn't God heal daddy?" Most six year olds are playing with toys, learning to read and watching their favorite television shows. For the most part, so is my daughter but then there are nights like Monday where the tears stream down her face for an hour. Or there are days where I find her in her bedroom, holding a picture of her dad to her chest silently crying and when she sees me asks, "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?"