I miss my husband so much...

I miss my husband so much.
I miss the way he looked at me.
I miss the way he would smile when he saw me walk through the room.
I miss the compliments he would give me when I cooked.
I miss holding his hand.
I miss sitting next to him in church.
I miss being the passenger while he is the driver.
I miss sharing my dreams with him.
I miss making parenting decisions with him.
I miss sitting on the couch after Malachi and Hannah had fallen asleep and drinking coffee.
I miss him making me coffee in the morning.
I miss watching him play bass on Sunday mornings.
I miss having his clothes mixed in with ours when I do laundry.
I miss him sleeping next to me at night.
I miss how he made me feel.
I miss his voice.
I miss his touch.
I miss his smile.
I miss his laugh.
I miss hearing him pray in the middle of the night.
I miss watching him play with the kids on the floor.
I miss hearing him making cartoon character voices.
I miss seeing him share his ice cream with them at night.
I miss him putting them on his shoulders.
I miss him fixing things around the house.
I miss him assembling anything I wanted.
I miss him moving the heavy furniture for me.
I miss receiving his text messages throughout the day.
I miss his scent.
I miss hearing him call me beautiful first thing in the morning.
I miss his belly to lie on while watching television.
I miss feeling his arms wrapped around me in a hug. 
I miss greeting him when he came home from work.
I miss him walking through the door at 5 in the evening.
I miss sitting across from him at dinner.
I miss asking him what he wanted me to make for dinner. 
I miss hearing him say "I love you."
I miss discussing my dreams for the future with him. 
I miss going on dates with him. 
I miss his snores.
I miss him checking the locks at night.
I miss him turning the air conditioner on when I got hot.
I miss him changing the oil and getting the car inspection done.
I miss going to the store with him.
I miss having him to talk to.
I miss everything about him.
I miss the way he would sometimes chew with his mouth open.
I miss his not so funny jokes.
I miss how he would leave the dishes in the sink and tell me he would wash them tomorrow.
I miss how he would leave his clothes hanging on the chair.
I miss how he would make so much noise with the kids while I was taking a nap.
I miss him holding both Malachi and Hannah at the same time.
I miss him taking them out of the car when they were sleeping.
I miss that he could always make me smile.
I miss how much love I felt from him. 
I miss hearing him practice his bass guitar in the closet.
I miss the small surprises he would bring home for me after work.
I miss hearing him call me "honey"

I miss being his wife. 

I miss him.

I miss the days when he was healthy.
I miss the days when he was alive. 

The funeral is over.
Days have turned into weeks and weeks into months.
In so many ways it gets easier.
Yet in so many ways it is harder.