Skip to main content

What every person should read before they get married

There will come a day where you stand across from the person you have fallen head over hills for. You will look them in their eyes with such happiness because the day has finally arrived. In a matter of moments you will go from single to married. You may have dreamed about this day since you were a child. You probably imagined the type of person you were going to marry, even creating a list of the qualities and traits you wanted your future spouse to have. And when the day arrives, I pray that you remember this.

There will be good days in your marriage.
There will be days where your spouse will do something so romantic for you. There will be days where you will feel the same butterflies in your stomach as you did when you first started dating. There will be celebrations. There will be date nights. There will be days where you will feel as though you are living in a dream because things just keep getting better and better. There will be moments where you are living the “better, richer and in health” part of your marriage vows. Embrace those days. Remember and keep note of those days.There will be Instagram worthy moments to share on social media some days.

Because there will be bad days.
The newlywed period doesn’t last forever. There will be days where you have to fight for your marriage. There will be days where you will fight. There will be times of struggle.  There will be days where the vows you recited "worse, poorer and in sickness" become a reality. We all want the fairy tale marriage. But life doesn't always look like the pretty pictures we see on social media. Seven years ago I stood across from my husband and recited the vows “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health." We experienced the "better, richer and in health." Those times were great and I marked them in my memory. Because we also experienced "for worse, for poorer and in sickness." There were times we did eat from the dollar menu. There were times we only had enough to pay the bills. There were times that date nights consisted of sitting on the front porch when our children were sleeping inside.  We had disagreements and didn't always see eye to eye.
And since bad days will come, what I am about to write is so important:
It doesn’t matter so much what the person looks like. A size two is not better than a size 14. It doesn’t matter really the texture of one’s hair. Curly is not better than straight. It doesn’t matter the physique of one’s body. A six-pack is not better than a belly. It doesn’t matter one’s status. An educated person is no better than a laborer. It doesn’t matter the salary. Six figures is no better than five. It doesn’t matter the type of house. A mansion is no better than an apartment. It doesn’t matter if they can afford to purchase you expensive gifts, drive a fancy car, have a corner office and look like a model.

A person’s character and their relationship with God matters. Because when the bad days come (and they will) the qualities of the person you married is what matters the most.

What matters is how will they react during times of struggle. Because there will be times of struggle. We all have the dream that life will always go according to our plans, but there are times when life feels like a nightmare. Before you get married don't focus so much on whether or not they are "tall, dark, wealthy and handsome" or "beautiful and skinny." At the top of your list that you have concerning a future spouse write "Character and relationship with God matters."
This is what matters the most:

How will they react when life falls apart? Because sometime during your marriage, life will fall apart. Will they hold your hand and provide encouragement and support if you are laid off from your job? Will they pray over you and with you? Will they support you if you are unable to afford the house with the white picket fence and you have to live in the fixer-upper that you can't actually afford to fix up? Will they stand by your side when date night consists of choosing what is on the dollar menu at the fast food restaurant because you can't afford the prices on the five star menu? Will they embrace you if you suffer the devastation of a miscarriage? Will they tell you that they still love you and that you are enough when the doctor's tell you that you will never have children? Will they forgive you when you make mistakes?  Will they stand by you when your figure changes after having children? Will they hold your hand and wipe your tears when the doctor's tell you that there is no cure? Will they love you even if you can't afford the nice vacations and fancy clothes?

Good times will come in your marriage. Mark those times in your memory. Engrave them on your heart. And when the bad times come hold on to your marriage. Remember the person you stood across on your wedding day. Remind yourself the reasons you got married. And know bad times don't last forever.

Instagram: kimjoylira



Popular posts from this blog

Why the church doesn't need any more coffee bars

More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus. 

My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.

To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …

To the Christian who had sex before marriage

This past week my social media was inundated with engagement and wedding posts. It seemed as though everyone was either getting married or engaged during the month of November. And as I scrolled through the many pictures I began to think of those who are filled with guilt or shame over their past and who every time they see an engagement announcement or wedding picture think within themselves "that will never be me."

You have convinced yourself that because you had sex outside of marriage, or because you were in an unequally yoked relationship or because you are a single parent, or because before you were a Christian you had an abortion, or because even though you didn't have sex you didn't maintain sexual purity, (the list can go on) that you don't deserve or never will get that "happily ever after."

Your sin may have been exposed to all due to a pregnancy or maybe yours is hidden in shame and secrecy and you are afraid to even admit what you have don…

Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?

Monday night my six year old daughter came running to my bedroom with tears streaming down her eyes. She was crying so hard I could barely decipher the words coming out of her mouth. "Mommy, I miss daddy.... Life isn't the same without him.... Why did he have to die???? Why didn't God heal daddy????I wish God would let him come back."

Why can't the difficult questions my children ask be "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Why, at seven and six do they have to ask "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?"  Most six year olds are playing with toys, learning to read and watching their favorite television shows. For the most part, so is my daughter but then there are nights like Monday where the tears stream down her face for an hour. Or there are days where I find her in her bedroom, holding a picture of her dad to her chest silently crying and when she sees me asks, "Mommy, why didn't God heal daddy?" 

My children ask me question…