I joined this club 5 months ago on February 14, 2017 when my husband took his last breath and I have asked that question many times. While I know my husband is in heaven and is free from the pain of cancer, the pain my children and I endure five months after my husband passed away lingers. Losing a spouse is one of the most painful things a person will experience. Long after the funeral ends, the tears of the surviving spouse continue to flow. It is a pain that is not easily described in words. Grief doesn’t end when the body is buried, in fact, it is often weeks after the funeral has ended and the numbness has worn off that the intense pain begins. There is not a time line on grief. One person’s way of grieving may be very different from another person’s way of grieving. The person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with passed away at 31. There are nights where the tears won’t stop. There are times when pain crushes. I have hope. I have peace. I have joy. I have all of that. But I also have a heart that is broken. And there have been times I have wondered how am I going to make it?
On February 14, 2017 my husband passed away at the age of 31. He fought cancer for two years. In a moment I went from wife to widow and entered into the club no one wants to belong to. I have two young children. I am a homeschooling mom and work in the educational field. I attend First United Pentecostal Church in San Antonio, Texas.