I enjoy social media. I have reconnected with people I went to high school with. I have stayed in contact with those who live in California after I moved to Texas. I love looking at the pictures and reading the posts. But I realized I was spending way too much time scrolling through social media. This may not necessarily be a bad thing, but the more I thought about it, I realized that I was scrolling through social media because I liked the distraction. I liked the noise social media brought to my life. When I allow distractions in my life, it enables me to avoid the reality of my situation.
The reality of my situation is painful. My husband is dead. I am a widow. My children do not have a living father. The dreams and hopes that I had for the future were discarded when my husband took his last breath. The best friend who knew me better than anyone is gone. And so it makes sense that I would welcome distractions so that I wouldn't have to focus on my reality.
In the silence, God inspects our heart. He reveals the things that we have hid. He brings to the surface that which we have buried. It hurts. There are no distractions in the silence to help us avoid that pain.
For me, in the silence, the healing process hurts because there is a lot that died when my husband took his last breath. But when I sit in silence, and allow God to reveal to me the things I have hid in my heart, things I may not have been aware of, I allow God to heal me. And the dreams that died along with my spouse are revived again. Comfort replaces sorrow. Fear of the future is replaced with hope. Hurt that my husband was not healed on earth is replaced with joy that he is in heaven. Promises that God gave are renewed. In the silence, I gain an understanding that all was not lost. I am filled with peace that God does restore.