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Marriage doesn't look like the pictures we post on social media

I think most people would say they want a true love story. And when describing this love story, many would describe scenes from a Hollywood movie. Scenes of the perfect proposal, dream wedding, and amazing glamorous filled dates. But glamour doesn't equate to a true love story. The pictures we see on social media of amazing dates, beautiful homes, adorable couples in coordinating outfits drinking coffee by the fire place, those are the good times. And marriage is full of good times. But marriage is also full of struggles. It is not always glamourous.

For every romantic date that is documented and published on social media, there are hundreds of scenes that aren't documented. There are the disagreements over bills. There are the pictures of toddlers waking up in the middle of the night contributing to another sleep-deprived evening. There are laundry piles and unwashed dishes. There are crying babies and fighting toddlers in the back of the car on the way to church. There are bad days at work that spill over to negative attitudes at home. There are images and scenes that are far from glamourous.

In marriage, there are going to be times when your spouse does something romantic that reminds you why you fell in love with them in the first place. There will be sweet notes left in lunches. There will be flowers and presents. But for every romantic gesture your spouse makes there will likely be a few gestures that frustrate you. You may wonder why they can't pick up their socks and place them in the dirty laundry. You will wonder why you are stuck washing the dishes after you just made dinner. You will wonder why they didn't fill the gas tank up leaving you on empty. You will wonder how they can sleep through the sound of a crying newborn.

My marriage wasn't always glamourous. It didn't consist of romance every single day. We both worked, my husband went to school full time and we had two children who were 17 months apart. Our dates didn't typically consist of going to a five star restaurant. They didn't consist of us taking elaborate trips and vacations. They usually consisted of us sitting on the couch in the evening drinking coffee after the kids had gone to sleep. Our daily life was pretty boring. Glamour we may not have had.  But love we did. Glamour will fade but love will weather any difficult storm. Love will get you through the frustrating days. Love will say your marriage is worth fighting for.

Love got us through the devastation of a miscarriage. It got us through a layoff during the first year of marriage. It got us through sleepless nights after bringing home a newborn. It got us through a cancer diagnosis. It wasn't glamour because none of those things were glamourous. Those things caused heartache. And tears. And a pain that is crushing. But our marriage wasn't founded on glamour.

The last three years of my marriage was far from glamourous. It was far from enviable. People didn't look at my social media posts and say "I wish I had her life." But the last three years of my marriage helped me understand what love is.

The last three years of my marriage didn't consist of elaborate dates, eating out at fabulous restaurants, or expensive gifts. It consisted of hospitalizations, chemotherapy, paralysis and hospice. I didn't get glamour during the last few years. But I experienced a love that is indescribable.

I will take love over glamour.


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