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Showing posts from December, 2017

When God chooses a young widow....

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I knew my role as a wife. I knew where I fit in. I know my role as a mother. Those are two titles that I never have had a problem holding. But going from wife to widow is uncomfortable. I don't think anyone is ready for their spouse to die, but when your spouse dies so young, there are so many additional layers of difficulty that you face. It can be challenging trying to figure out where you fit in? What place do you have? What role do you have now in society that you are a widow? And what role do you now have in the church as a widow?



If you look around at your workplace, in your neighborhood, the grocery store and even church you will see many spouses. You will see many never married single adults. You will see older widows. You will even see many divorced couples. But what you don't see a lot of are young widows. And while that is actually a good thing, at the same time for a young widow, it can be somewhat isolating because there are  not a lot of people who truly understa…

My life as an only parent...

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Ten months ago my husband died and so I write a lot about the grieving process. On the day he died I was forced to begin life as a widow. And my children were forced to begin life without a living father. And many of my posts involve those two new roles; that of a widow and that of fatherless children. But on February 14th, I also became an only parent and that is what this blog post is about.

Many people have commented to me how great of a job I am doing raising my children on my own. I homeschool them. On the weekends we go to the zoo, museums or park. We have game nights. I let them cuddle next to me in bed at night when I would prefer to have the bed to myself. We bake cookies and watch movies. Their clothes match when we leave the house. I don't forget to feed them. They typically have a smile on their face.

I don't know if I make being an only parent seem easy. I don't know if the pictures I post on social media make it seem as though the transition from co-parent …

The day my future died...(a post about moving on)....

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10 months ago this week my husband and I were discussing hospital discharge plans with his doctor. We were aware that the tests confirmed the cancer was back. But we also were witnessing the miracle of the paralysis caused by chemo decreasing. We thought at minimum there were weeks maybe even months left. And we hoped that God would intervene and perform the miracle of healing on earth. Our hopes were destroyed when just a few days later on February 14th my husband passed away. Although I knew the cancer had spread, his death took me by complete surprise. And in a blink of an eye I went from wife to widow. My entire life instantly changed. And who I was changed as well. From the time I stood across from my husband on the day we got married, my hopes and dreams always contained him. When I thought of my future, he was in it. And yet on February 14th at 7:24 in the morning that future died along with my husband.

Words can’t describe how much I miss him. And I don’t just miss him on birthd…

Why me?

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Why Me?


This is a question, if we are honest, most of us have asked at one point in our life. We look at all that we are going through and we wonder why God is allowing the pain to transpire in our life. I am not going to lie and act like I haven’t asked that question during the last 3 years because I have. But when I read scripture I see many individuals who also could have asked that question. David, on the run for his life. Joseph, thrown into prison. Daniel, placed in the lion’s den. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego thrown into the fiery pit. Esther, an orphan. Elizabeth unable to conceive. The list goes on. Individuals who experienced hardship and their response to hardship serves as an example to me of what my response to hardship should be.
Can I be honest again? I don’t want my testimony to be that of a young widow raising two children without their dad. It is absolutely not what I would have chosen for my life. But again I go to scripture and there are examples of indiv…