My name is Kimberli and my husband, Melchor, was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2014. The blog began as I chronicled his journey with cancer. He never stopped praising God in the midst of all he was going through. He passed away on February 14, 2017 and is now rejoicing in heaven. This blog now chronicles a stage of life I didn't think I would enter until I was in my 80s or 90s, that of widowhood.
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To the person who comes after...a letter to my future husband
To the person who comes after......A letter to my future husband
I loved someone before you. He was my husband and my best
And unlike when a person goes through a divorce or a breakup,
I never stopped loving him and I never will.
He will always be missed.
I will always grieve his absence.
We had two children. They are young. And they need to feel
as though they can talk about their dad any time.
There can’t be limits as to when they bring him up.
If they ask to watch videos of him, we will watch videos.
If they want to look through the photo albums, we will look
through the photo albums.
If they want to hear stories about their dad, I will tell them stories.
Pictures of him will remain on the walls of my house.
Conversations about him will continue to take place.
There will be times when tears will fall and our heart will
hurt because he is gone.
His birthday will still be celebrated. Our anniversary will
still be remembered.
His clothes will remain in boxes in my closet.
He wasn’t perfect, but when a person dies, they will forever be remembered as a hero.
In society it is understood that we don’t stop missing a grandparent, parent, sibling or child if they die. And yet, there is this idea that if a person gets remarried then they have to stop missing their deceased spouse. That they can’t talk about that person anymore. That they can’t cry because of their absence anymore.
I loved my husband with all of my heart.
Please don’t ask me to stop talking about him.
Please don’t ask me to stop missing him.
Please don’t ask me to take down the pictures of him.
Before I got married, if someone would have asked me if I would ever marry a widower, I more than likely would have said no. Mainly because of all that I just wrote.
I would have said I don’t want to compete with a dead person.
I would have said how can I marry someone who is still in love with their deceased spouse?
I would have thought I was their second choice.
And then I became a widow. And I instantly understood.
You aren’t competing for my love with a dead person.
You aren't my second choice.
I won't love you less than I loved Mel.
I won't compare you to him.
He is not on a higher pedestal than you.
I am not giving you the leftover pieces of my heart.
I will love you with all of my heart.
There will be times when I am sad because I miss Mel but I am not wishing that he was sitting next to me instead of you.
I am not wishing I was holding his hand instead of yours.
I am not wishing it were him that I was spending the rest of my life with and not you.
I understand that he was a part of my life in the past and will always have a place in my heart.
But I also understand that you were always a part of God's plan for my life as well.
You may be the person who came after....
But you are the person who stepped in to raise two children as though they were your own.
And you are the person who wasn't afraid to love a widow.
More and more on my social media feeds I have been seeing a lot of churches boast of the cool, trendy new initiatives that they have begun. I have seen pictures of coffee bars that resemble Starbucks. I have seen lighting that resembles one seen on Broadway. I have read catchy sermon titles and have seen how people have brought the movies into their sermons. In so many of these posts, I see all that churches are doing to attract new members, but I don't hear them talking about the power of Jesus.
My husband passed away February 14th, 2017 after a two year battle with cancer.
To say he battled cancer is an understatement. He was hospitalized two weeks out of every month during the first year of treatment. He was hospitalized a total of 18 times. He was rushed to the emergency room 8 times. He spent close to 500 days separated from his two children over the course of two years. And eventually the chemo, designed to get rid of the cancer, caused him to be paralyzed. And for the last …
This past week my social media was inundated with engagement and wedding posts. It seemed as though everyone was either getting married or engaged during the month of November. And as I scrolled through the many pictures I began to think of those who are filled with guilt or shame over their past and who every time they see an engagement announcement or wedding picture think within themselves "that will never be me."
You have convinced yourself that because you had sex outside of marriage, or because you were in an unequally yoked relationship or because you are a single parent, or because before you were a Christian you had an abortion, or because even though you didn't have sex you didn't maintain sexual purity, (the list can go on) that you don't deserve or never will get that "happily ever after."
Your sin may have been exposed to all due to a pregnancy or maybe yours is hidden in shame and secrecy and you are afraid to even admit what you have don…
They are getting remarried already! Didn't their spouse just die? They sure do move on fast.I would never remarry if I lost my spouse... The list can go on... I came across an article today about a famous individual whose wife died 15 months ago. This famous individual recently got engaged and I read the comments under the article and they brought tears to my eyes. Many people said that he must not have loved his wife because he was engaged so soon after her death. Some of the key words I read were “that was so fast,” and “moving on so quickly.” The headline of the article even stated “just 15 months after his wife’s death” when referring to his engagement. And those words stung because the people who were writing them must not have experienced the pain of losing a spouse, because if they had, they would offer support rather than judgement. Unless you have had to say good-bye to your spouse you cannot fully understand the pain a widow feels. Yet, some are so quick to judge how a per…