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Showing posts from February, 2018

When winter turns to spring

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Tulips.
 pic credit: pinterest

A couple of weeks ago while praying tulips kept playing over in my mind. I continued praying but tulips kept repeating themselves. After prayer I forgot about it. Let me say I'm not a flower person. I would have preferred my husband let me take an uninterrupted 2 hour nap over ever getting a bouquet of flowers so there's no reason why I would be thinking of tulips in prayer. I am surprised I even know what tulips are. Honestly, I am not a flower person. But within the last few days I've seen a lot of people post pictures of tulips blooming. So I looked tulips up and found they bloom in the spring. And they bloom after a chilly winter.  Can I be honest? The last 3 years has been the longest winter season of my life. It has hurt. It has felt barren. It has been bitterly cold. More than 36 months ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer changes your life. There were hundreds of nights where my husband laid in a hospital bed separated from…

Long after the funeral ends...

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A year ago today I got my six year old son and four year old daughter ready for the day. I took out their clothes just like every other day. But the day was unlike every other day. A year ago today I got in my car and drove to church just like I had done every Wednesday and Sunday for a number of years. But it wasn't Wednesday. And it wasn't Sunday. And I wasn't driving to a regular church service. I was driving to my husband's funeral. He wasn't 80. He hadn't lived a long life. I wouldn't have 50 years of memories to share about him from the pulpit. He was 31.
When the funeral ends, life goes on for most people who attended it. And it should. But for those most intimately connected to the deceased, life doesn't go on. Life stops. Life changes. Life hurts in a way that is indescribable.  After the funeral ends when everyone is gone and when the numbness starts to wear off that is when the pain stings. That is when the reality sets in. And day 30 may …

Is Jesus pleased with our churches today?

I often wonder if Jesus is pleased with many of our churches today.

Many times we ascribe success and approval to numbers. Therefore we say, churches must be doing something right if they have 10K followers on their IG page.  They must be on the right path if they get 2 million video views from something they share on FB. They must be obtaining the applause of God if a status they share is liked over two thousand times.  We pat ourselves on our back because our church pews are filled with people. We elevate certain leaders and place them on a pedestal based on the applause they acquire after speaking.

And I wonder if Jesus is pleased with our churches today.
When I read scripture I read about Daniel who was willing to be thrown into a pit of lions rather than stop praying based on a law. I read about Josiah who after finding the law removed everything from his kingdom that displeased God. I read about David who endured years in the wilderness and Joseph who was falsely accused of a c…

On the anniversary of my husband's death

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A year ago today I sat across from my husband holding his hand letting him know that his time on earth was coming to a close. I whispered in his ear and told him how much I loved him and that he was the strongest person I knew. And as tears began falling from my eyes, I felt as though God was letting me know I was going to be okay. There have been days where I have felt so far from okay. There have been days where the pain from missing him hurts more than it did the day he died.  I know heaven must be amazing. And I rejoice that my husband was saved. I rejoice that when he took his last breath on earth he met Jesus face to face. I know that my husband is no longer in pain. I know he is no longer sick.
But I miss him so much.I missed him the second he took his last breath, every second since and will miss him until the day I die.  I miss him at breakfast because he's not sitting across from me. I miss him in the evening because he's not walking through the front door after work. …