When winter turns to spring
pic credit: pinterest
A couple of weeks ago while praying tulips kept playing over in my mind. I continued praying but tulips kept repeating themselves. After prayer I forgot about it. Let me say I'm not a flower person. I would have preferred my husband let me take an uninterrupted 2 hour nap over ever getting a bouquet of flowers so there's no reason why I would be thinking of tulips in prayer. I am surprised I even know what tulips are. Honestly, I am not a flower person. But within the last few days I've seen a lot of people post pictures of tulips blooming. So I looked tulips up and found they bloom in the spring. And they bloom after a chilly winter. Can I be honest? The last 3 years has been the longest winter season of my life. It has hurt. It has felt barren. It has been bitterly cold. More than 36 months ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer changes your life. There were hundreds of nights where my husband laid in a hospital bed separated from his two children. There were multiple times we heard the doctors say "There is no hope." Those are the cruelest most painful words to hear. There have been so many tears shed over the last three years. And not only does cancer change your life but death does as well. No one should have to watch their 31 year old husband die. No one should have to tell a 4 year old and 6 year old that they no longer have a living dad. Bitter. Cold. Barren. That is how this winter season of my life has felt.
That is not to say that God hasn't been constant in my life. I have never felt alone. I have never felt as though the tears I have cried weren't being seen by God. He has provided for me. He has comforted me in the darkest of nights. He has been my strength, my hope, my peace and my rock. But it still has been a long winter season in my life.
On Wednesday we sang a song in church and the words say "I just feel like something good is about to happen." I am not going to lie, those were hard words for me to sing. It is easy for me to sing songs that talk about praise. I have no problem lifting my hands during praise and worship because I sincerely do praise God. His goodness hasn't changed because my husband died. And so I can freely give God thanks. I can trust God will get me through. I can have faith God will never leave me. But it's hard when you've gone through so much to believe that good can ever happen again. And so singing those words on Wednesday was difficult.
But then this week I kept seeing people post pictures of tulips blooming and it was if God was reminding me of what I saw in prayer a couple of weeks ago. Tulips blooming. A field of tulips everywhere. And it was if He was saying that the dry, barren, bitterly cold winter season of my life is shifting. And a field of tulips is getting ready to bloom.
I don't know if you've also felt as though you have been living a bitterly cold winter season in life. I don't know if you've endured so much pain and while you trust and cling to God you wonder if the season will ever pass. Let me encourage you, as God has encouraged me. The winter season doesn't last forever. Eventually spring does come. And with spring comes a field of tulips.