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To the person who is dying....

Three years ago this month my husband started chemotherapy. And while we were so hopeful that he would survive, a year ago last month he passed away. The first year of treatment everything was going the way doctor's hoped. He responded well to the chemotherapy. He was in remission. But the second year we received nothing but negative reports. I sat on a hospital bed, holding my husband's hand multiple times listening to the doctor's tell us that the cancer had spread, he was no longer eligible for treatment, there was nothing more they could do and that we should prepare ourselves for his possible death. Those words sting.

And so I write this letter to you from the perspective of a wife who lost her best friend. During the last few months of his life, my husband was paralyzed due to the chemotherapy and confined to a bed. When I look at the candid pictures I took of him during that time, the pictures that he didn't realize I was taking, I can almost read his mind and see the pain he was enduring. Not the physical pain, but the pain because he knew he was more than likely not going to be there to grow old with me. The pain because he knew he wouldn't be there to see his two young children grow up.

 He spent so much time praying during those months. And while I know he prayed for a healing for him on earth, so many of his prayers were for our children and me. He begged God to take care of us if he died. He pleaded with God to have his hand upon our life. He desperately wanted to make sure we would be okay if he died. The thought of him not being there to see his children grow up broke him. And while God gave him so many dreams of heaven in the months before he died, it was painful for him to imagine our life without him.

And I am sure the very emotions he experienced, are the emotions you are experiencing. While he was saved, and knew he would spend eternity in heaven, dying is scary.  Let me be honest about the painful parts of dying. While I know where my husband is spending eternity and rejoice that he is in heaven, the pain of his loss is immense. It's indescribable. He was a piece of our little family. And that piece is missing. It is like a puzzle that is missing just one piece. While the rest of the puzzle may be finished, the one missing piece makes the puzzle incomplete. My husband's death makes us incomplete. I have spent so many nights crying because the person who was in every single one of my dreams and plans for the future is no longer here. I miss everything about him. And it hurts that my children aren't going to grow up with their dad in their life.

 And I know that doesn't sound very reassuring. But this is the part I want to end this letter with. Your family is going to be okay. You'll never be forgotten. You'll never be replaced. You'll always be the missing puzzle piece. Your death will literally change those most intimately connected to you. But their smiles will return. Their laughter will once again fill the room. The hope they have for the future will be restored.  And I know that is what you are probably most worried about. I know you are worried about the ones you are going to leave behind. I know you are worried if they are going to be okay. I know you are worried if your death will crush and destroy them. They will spend many nights crying because you're missing, but God is going to give them the everything they need to make it through each day. They will never be alone.

I can say all of that because I am living God's strength. I am living His comfort. I am living His peace. I am living His hope. I am living His joy. I am living His restoration. I am living His provision. Close to 400 days ago my best friend took his last breath. And in that very moment, the room I was in filled with only the peace that God can give. I knew then that my husband was no longer in pain, but that he was in the very presence of God. I knew he was no longer paralyzed. I knew his body was no longer filled with cancer. And I knew that God would never leave my children or me. And God hasn't. And God won't leave your family. They will be okay. And I know that is what you are most worried about.

Your spouse will live again. Your spouse will dream again. Your spouse will smile again. Your spouse will have hope for the future again. And your children will flourish. They will laugh. They will smile. They will do so well. You will never be replaced. You will always be missed. But those who you love with every part of you, will be okay. 

If you are reading this and the doctors haven't given you much hope, please know that God does have the final word. It is never too late for a miracle to take place on earth. However, if God chooses to heal you in heaven, He will also make sure that your loved ones left behind are taken care of. If you are reading this and would like to connect with me because you are worried about how your death is going to affect your loved ones, please find me on FB or IG (links on the bottom) and send me a message.  If you are reading this and don't know where you'll spend eternity, please reach out to me and I would love to connect you with people in your area that can help you and provide you with a Bible Study.

IG @kimjoylira
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